2003/11/13
gettin alittle tired... *shrugs*
dun like others to tell me wad i shud n shud not do.. well.. tts stubborn i know.. i am REAL stubborn anyways...
i mean..
'well.. this is me.. so WADDD.. juz accept me the way i am.. ' i hrd this voice screamin frm inside.. but i cant scream.. n i dun wan 2 scream at him.. dun wan hurt sm one who actually matters.. yarr.. gota admit that he really matters... believe it or not.. like it or not...
i like my life dis way now.. i mean.. a job i enjoys.. studyin smthin i awiz wanted.. kpin myself busy as usual.. this is wad i awiz wanted.. isnt... not lookin forward 2 any changes.. not plannin for any either...
wont give up my job 4 someone.. n i dun wan 2 gv up anyone for wad i hve now... i would wan 2 squeeze it all in.. n although i dun exactly noe why i'm awiz pushin myself so far... but i know clearly that i want to keep everything that i have now.. n i really cherish them all...
love my job..
its tough.. it is.. sometimes i'd wonder why i wan to wrk so hard... why do i actually bother to push myself.. esp e bad times.. e scoldings e conflicts... yet why i stayed on.. i ponder... simply cuz i wan to.. i juz wan to.. i like e idea of meetin alot of new people everyday.. all different frm all aspects of life... i like 2 see people when they r enjoyin themselves.. i like to see them smile..
love my home..
like e times when we sit down ard e table in front of e tv... dad wil crack some dumb jokes.. mum wil frown.. den xue n didi start laughing.. sure there's some bad times too.. times when i fight with wanli.. times when mum scream n her n she SCREAM back.. times when dad lectures... still, we r together.. xue got admitted in2 nuh recently.. mum n dad kept stayin by her side.. wanli went down wheneva she can.. guess i didnt try as hard.. but made myself by her side whenever i can afford to.. felt the closeness... everyone cares... everyone contributes... its e love that kps everything goin... on n on...
love my studies..
this somethin tht i nvr tot i wil end up doin.. its actuali quite amazin when i find myself enjoyin it.. even enjoyin the pressure.. n stress... pushin myself 2 meet standards... rushin 2 meet deadlines... screamin at teachers... quarrels.. mayb its e conflicts tht brought us closer.. though quarrels.. they push... though unhappy.. we still gota finish al wrk... kinda enjoyin these sweet tortures... haha..
love dear..
cant say i love him.. not juz yet... but was reali touched.. cuz i saw him try.. i saw him change.. i saw him makin smal little scarifices 4 me.. 4 us... n these r e reasons why i wan 2b a beta person 4 him.. his gal where he can b reali proud of.. a gal who can touch his heart juz like how he had touched mine.. thnx dear...
*kyLie* posted @ 14:28