2005/03/31
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments
2005/03/30
"work as if you don't need money,
love as if nobody had ever hurt you,
dance, as if nobody can see you,
sing, as if nobody can hear you,
live, as if the Earth was a heaven."
2005/03/29
gROuP C3 You always prefer mantel decisions more then emotional ones due to this you don't have a limited number of friends. You consider life a very beautiful gift and you love to enjoy its colors. There are a number of peoples who are your ideals and you loved to spend abig part of your time with them. You are found to be avery sincere lover. You have a perfect control onyour emotions but sometimes your decisions really effect your beloved(s). ------ hmmm... tot i'm awiz v emotional.. but actuali i saw sm changes in me.. gettin more rational alr.. mayb its growin up.. i begin 2 learn hw 2 judge things.. beginnin 2 noe wads right wads wrong.. life experiences taught me so.. i luv life.. n living... tts true.. i mean non matter hw many times i fall.. hw many times i cry... i wil stil stand up n back right 2 fight again.. like wad life gave me.. n appreciated every single thing along e way.. stil learnin hw 2 smile thru e storm.. as 4 a lover.. sincere? hmm.. i wun noe e ans.. i oni noe tt 4 every single thing i put my foot in.. as long as e passion nv die.. i wil wan put in my best... including relatnshp.. but well.. if nothin wrks out.. at least i had given my best shot b4.. so wun b livin w regrets... live like there's no tomorrow.. =)
2005/03/28
aint she pretty... 
passin time w ngseili on e bus... miss my hair.. taken b4 i cut my hair..
stupid best fren actin cute...
mr pig do nothin but slp...
2005/03/27
*yawns* juz woke up.. dear went sch.. abit unbelievable tt he actuali got class on sundays.. 9-5 sm more.. been 2 days.. woke up w/o him ard... den after fetchin me hm.. he went 2 bed le.. haiz.. 2gether but like nv reali spend time like tt.. we r both awiz so caught up w our own stuff... hw long wil dis last.. wan watch movie oso no time.. been draggin e move date 4 a wk le...
wrk was hell yday.. y sm pp juz like 2 throw their temper in a moment of fury.. y cant they like at least contrl abit.. is it reali tt hard to? so wads e pt of ventin it out loud? i dun c anyone benefittin frm tt... dis a service line my dear.. non matter hw terrible wrk is, we stil gotta smile at guests.. then y make things harder 4 everybody... u cant complian abt us givin bad service if u wan f*** pp as n when things go wrong rite... haiz.. so dumb pp..
juz throwin my personal view in2 dis here.. well.. dun wan bother abt them at wrk.. i'll juz wrk n smile.. n goes on n on.. juz wrk.. heh.. tink i changed alot aft i return 2 wrk last mth.. mayb.. i finali understan that there's reali no pt tryin so hard as a part timer.. cuz when things goes wrong.. nobody wil stand up 4 u.. cuz in their eyes u'r juz a part timer.. so i stop teachin.. nv eva scolded... dun even throw my temper at e worst partner 2 wrk w.. i'l juz do wadeva u tel me.. purely things within my wrk scope.. no responsibility.. no pride... dun bother...
2005/03/26
2005/03/25
CITY OF BUTTERFLIES..
fell in luv w dis funny thing recently.. butterflies... =)
2005/03/24
leave me alone...
just get out of my life..
and...
simply leave me alone...
2005/03/23
sianzation... v bored w life 4 no reasons... doin wrk myself.. started thinkin abt life again... hai.. smthin's wrong w me.. tt i'm awiz tinkin tt much...A L W A Y S... WELL WELLL TTS ME... juz feel like hidin at hm den do my 'fav' sch wrk non stop.. bet i gg crazy.. whahah.. or rather soon i wil b crazy... finished my id resubmit stuff.. but hvn been gg sch.. edwin will kill me 4 takin so long 2 resubmit.. yarr.. i bet he wil... =( nah dun feel like sayin anythin abt it.. wun tel him 2... slpin... tk me so long 2 fal aslp dis days.. n seems like nv wil wake up aft tt... den when i finally wake up.. i'd wish i can slp even longer... real weirdo me.. hvn been hm.. wonderin if ma is lookin 4 me.. hmm.. tink she's kinda used 2 her daughter nt bein at hm.. not a v gd sign tho'.. soon i might juz lose my own rm... tts wad she awiz threatens... stress... numb 2 stress.. haha.. yah.. abit la.. juz wonderin if i m beginnin 2 cope w it beta.. or juz merely escaping... wonders... juz shut my eyes off e whole world n do wad i shud do at e moment.. prioritise rem? my uncle used 2 tel me abt al dis stuff.. sch's impt.. n u gotta wrk on it.. yah.. i noe tts y i pushin myself so hard... rather lock myself in my own world... baobei.. he asked me y i cal him baobei.. haha.. i oso dno y.. smtimes he's juz like a big baby.. yet smtimes he behaves like a mature adult... but non matter wad he's stil my baobei.. isnt? n he's stil slpin... awiz slpin.. oni awake when e sun goes down..
2005/03/22
urgh.. tummy givin me prob aagain.. gastrics on off.. diarrhoea on off... dno wads wrong... dun reali c anythin wrong w my diet recently... din eat 2 much.. oso nv eat 2 little mah... hvn been slpin well tho'... wan go back sch.. wan rush wrk.. wan start new projs... sigh.. wan go wrk 2... hai.. someone complained tt i din include her in my prev entry.. wrote her a testi le mah.. stil wan complain.. =P btw arh.. stop thinkin abt e bf thingy la.. u wun b left on e shelf one la... slowly find.. noe wad u wan.. den slowly find.. dun rush in2 a relatnshp 4 e sake of a bf.. in e end u might juz hurt yourself.. but arhz.. seriously if cant find arh... i hlp u match make.. haha.. to u-noe-who la.. ;D dun scream when u c dis.. i mean it de okiez... hurhur.. arghh.. dear came back drunk.. y is he awiz like tt.. so sensible de mah.. den awiz drink so much at wrk.. den ride back sm more.. haiz.. oso dno wad 2 say le la.. dun wan nag.. dun wan quarrel.. juz keepin my fingers crossed.. as long as he awiz make it hm... tts al bah... he slp le.. fel unto e bed e min he walked in.. quite certain he dno wads he's doin...
2005/03/21
amazing.. e way God wrk things out... i noe He has his reasons 4 al he do.. i lub ya.. haha hmm.. i noe He's stil wrkin on my soul... i.. dun care if anyone else is mean.. dun care if they r fake... dun care if they r pretence.. dun care if they r gg e wrong way... set up trap.. den run.. tk me as a fool.. haha.. i wil 4gv... cuz i dun wan anythin tt unworthy 2 burden me down... or mayb.. hai.. juz cant b bothered.. do as u deem fit.. life's nt ez.. i trusted dear2.. n i treasured u... n i wil continue cherishin... circumstances brought me closer 2 u... u showed me e way 2 luv... e way 2 live... e courage 2 brave thru rains... e inspiration 2 fight on... luv best fren... learnt alot frm u best fren... alot of life lessons nt taught in sch... i'm glad i hv u.. n i reali m fortunate 2 hv u... thnx 4 bein ard 2 share... all.. all my ups n downs... i'm gg 2 go on happily... seriously dis time round... thnks lawrence.. our theory's of faith... put me thru.. put u thru... =)
2005/03/20
Are You ... Missing Ur Friends? who?.. hmmmm Consuming Any Beverages Now? coffeesyrup+ice+milk Sleepy? awiz m... yawns Fighting Now? devil angel... al e times... *sigh* Have You ... Signed In Msn Today? yup.. tts like e 1st thing i do wheneva i get online... Checked Ur Hotmails? yeap... dis e 2nd...=) Eaten Ur Meals? juz ate.. fried rice... Played Any CD Games Recently? hmmm.. rollercoasters!!! haha.. Done Ur Homeworks? everyday... hai... What If ... Ur Mum Calls U Now? nothin wrong w that... Today Is Ur Birthday? woahh.. tt means i finali struggled finished yr 2... When Is ... Ur Birthday? 23rd Apr.. Ur Com Spoiling? whahhaa.. choy... Ur DateDue? hmmm.. urmm.. ? How Is ... Ur Parents? been leavin me alone... Ur School Pressure? nv b able 2 cope w that... Ur Feeling Now? gg out soon... juz bathe.. shud i say fresh? Why Is Your ... Handphone This Colour? wads wrong with THIS colour??! Keyboard So Dumb? whahaha.. i dun noe keyboards tt well.. Leg Shaking? nope... its N O T Friend Like U? beta not b.. Who ... Chose Ur Name? papa mama.. Called U Just Now? classmate.. she's alwayz callin n callin... Scolded U? urm... was there? last nite tokin 2 a-li... Bullys U? whahaha.. cant b bothered...
2005/03/15
grow up abit le bah... used 2 dwell in relatnshp probs.. n juz kill myself at hm... now can eat can slp can wrk can sch.. like nothin eva happen like tt.. like al e fights n quarrels dun exist like tt... not tt it doesnt bother.. not tt it doesnt hurts.. juz.. urm.. i oso dno ehz... juz continue doin wad i shud do.. den every other second e sad memory wil juz flashes up... den frown awhile.. sad abit.. but stil continue w wadeva i was doin... hmmm... every adult does tt? hide pains... pretendin nothin affects.. n juz try 2 move on...? even if they cant.... they pretended tt they did? so numb 2 everything like tt.. got 2 wrk.. wrk la... got 2 go sch... go la... got 2 meet bf.. den meet la... i dno eh.. but i dun feel anythin much abt life anymore... once tried fightiin 4 a relatnshp but e other party dun dare 2 try at al... now v numb 2 it le bah i guess... hve means hve dun hve den dun hve la... wan quarrel wan fight oso no energy... nothing's reali eva worth anythin... nothing's reali eva worth fighting 4...
2005/03/13
2005/03/12
*benjy&kylie in bangkok*
whahah... finali figured out e simplest way 2 post pictures in my blog... m i slow or wad... sigh... anyway... anyway... this is it... hehe.. so happy... lalalalalala~
2005/03/10
gg back wrk tm.. so sianz.. dun reali feel like wrkin.. (4 u noe wad reason..) =( if oni i can juz sit at hm n do nothin but sch wrk.. wil i b e most xin fu person den.. would fancy a day in sch.. den back hm.. dinner... nap.. do wrk... whiile waitin 4 dear 2 finish wrk.. den slp when he cm back.. den wake up 4 class preferably in e noon... haha.. *kokz* lalala.. here i go dreaming again.. 2dae dear say there're times tt things juz dun go smoothly.. but things'll stil turn out fine... quite a comfort.. mr edwin cheong force us 2 sch 2dae... threatenin us w a deferm letter.. hate pp 2 threaten.. if u reali hv e capability, u dun even hv 2 set tt threat.. i mean.. com'on juz do it... urgh.. sickening incident.... but arhz.. he's nt 2 bad a guy alreedi.. cuz he allow me 2 re-submit.. whahah.. *phew* at least my $157/- safe in my pocket.. heheh... nxt wk another wk of rushin... i can do it.. must pass.. must get thru it.. dun wan dragged e proj 2 nxt term... deardear nt back yet... hmmm... waiting............. *yawns*
2005/03/09
played e whole nite of game.. so unlike me.. haha.. mayb its time i get sm slp.. hmm.. but nt v used 2 slpin early le.. nt gg class le tm.. shud b slpin my day away.. zzZZzzz... time 2 tk a bit of rest.. laze ard... in front of e comp.. in front of e tv... flippin magazines n my novels... juz a day or 2.. den its back 2 studyin again.. yah.. AGAIN... hai... projs after projs.. but den.. i can do it.. hehe.. yah.. i suppose so.. or rather i gotta do it.. whether i can or cannot.. like or dun like.. oso must do... gastrics back 2 haunt me again.. forcing 2much coffee e past few days.. nt eatin e past few days.. nt tt i refuse 2.. nt tt i on diet.. since when i reali go on one.. hhmmm.. hehe.. juz no appetite.. shud hv learn my lesson long time ago.. even nt hungry oso must munch sm food.. wadeva food... any food... urgh.. so ma fan... pop pills.. like aaddicted 2 gastric pills like tt.. =D slp le bah.. gd mornin... & gd nite...
2005/03/08
assessm day.. whaha.. finali its gg b over... but den again... so hapie 4 wad... nxt assessm wil b here again in no time *sigh* hai........
2005/03/07
???????? ???????? ?????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ??????? ??????? ?????????? ???????? ????? ???? ??????? ???????? ?????????? ??????? ??? ??? ??? ??????
2005/03/06
feel like n idiot at times.. smhw.. no pt xplainin al stuff.. i mean.. pp juz like 2 make their own judgem.. n they juz choose 2 tink wadeva they tink is rite.. sigh.. no pt tellin cuz... they wun understan.. n e best sentence they can tel u is tt.. 'i understand, y cant u stop saying nobody inderstan?' hrd dis like umpteen times.. if u reali do.. den tt wun b wad u say.. get wad i mean? nvm.. u wun... learnt a harsh lesson recently.. i tink i trust pp 2 easily... kp believin tt everyone wil hv e kind side non matter hw terrible a person they are.. but well.. life kinda taught me tts nt e case... even a classmate in sch can b so nt trusting.. but its weird.. i din even ask 4 u guys 2 come n understand me in e very 1st place... nv eva asked 4 any1 2 come n bother abt me.. being bothered's always e last thing i wan... heard gossips here n there.. behind me n accidentally in-front of me.. nt tt i'm interested.. but nt tt i'm nt... still.. dun understan y they cant juz walk up 2 u n pose u qns... they juz choose 2 make their own assumptions behind.. n again choose 2 tink tt they're right... sigh... do i reali fit in2 dis world... did i eva belong here... stil.. there's e bright side too.. i stil hve pp ard who bother 2 care.. who admit that they dun noe wads gg on when they reali dno... stil got my dear2.. e amt of luv he has in himself 2 gv 2 others... feel real lucky tt he's always smwhr ard me... tt i'd smone so generous n caring 2wards everyone... nt tt i'm e special one..
2005/03/05
' i can 4give but cant 4get.. i hope u noe u hd lost my respect'
2005/03/04
dun say sorie.. it wun change anythin.. had cried.. nv stop cryin.. e pain stayed.. nv go away... nt til e day it does, ur sorry wun mean anythin 2me at al.. or mayb it wil nv mean anythin.. did u mean wad u had said b4 2 start with...? u can do wadeva u tink its rite.. cuz its always u u n u... wadeva goes... cuz wadeva alr happened.. wadeva reasons e tears dropped.. it's alr dropped.. wadeva promises broke.. it'd been broken.. wadeva hurt inflicted.. it'd pains.. n stil pains... it wun change anythin at al... do u get it? it wil nvr change anythin at al... nvr... so wads e pt of sorrys? b it a millions a billions a zillions of them...
I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive I'm just out to find The better part of me I'm more than a bird I'm more than a plane More than some pretty face beside a train And it's not easy to be me Wish that I could cry Fall upon my knees Find a way to lie 'Bout a home I'll never see I'm might sound absurd But don't be naive Even heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed But won't you concede Even heroes have the right to dream It's not easy to be me Up, up and away, away from me Well, it's alright You can all sleep sound tonight I'm not crazy or anything I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive Men weren't meant to ride With clouds between their knees I'm only a man in a silly red sheet Digging for kryptonite on this one way street Only a man in a funny red sheet Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me I'm only a man in a silly red sheet I'm only a man looking for a dream I'm only a man in a funny red sheet And it's not easy It's not easy to be me
2005/03/03
i'm definately nt sm1 tt any1 can get along w.. hmm.. abit rebellious n real stubborn... hv my own set of ideas abt life.. n hv my own goals which no much pp can understand.. very hei bai fen ming.. like u when i like u.. but dun do things tt disgust me.. i wil kp a distance away.. faarrrr far distance...yar.. i can b real sweet yet real evil.. can b super nice but oso super cruel.. but it al bottoms up 2 hw u treat me way frm e beginnin.. i dun hate anybody, or rather i dno hw 2.. i dun bear grudges.. nt 2 any1 at al.. juz tt its harder 4 me 2 4get pains... i dun like attentn n reali sincerely hope tt no one wil eva notice me eversince e beginnin of time.. i njoy life my own way.. n every setback's juz like a lesson 4 me... altho' smhw it juz happens tt i'm alwiz learnin things e hardest way... met pp i luv... met pp who pained me.. met pp who showered me w care.. met pp who shown me e fake sides.. no regrets... cuz its thru dis pp i learnt... n sure i do look 4ward 4 more... b it gd or bad... lookin 4ward 2 a beta me... urmm.. n non matter hw much i cry... (yeah.. i'm a cry baby.. hehee..) i wil stil stand up back strong again.. forcin myself back 2 fight on... nothin 2 special.. nt 2 extraordinary.. i'm juz wad i m.. n yearn 2b... ' i can 4give but cant 4get.. i hope u noe u hd lost my respect'
2005/03/02
'i hv cm 2 e pt tt nothin matters anymore.. n tt thing tt i used 2 care abt aint worth e fight at al' ' i can 4give but cant 4get.. i hope u noe u hd lost my respect' 'i'm gg smile like nothin's wrong.. talk like eveythin's perfect.. act like its al a dream.. n pretend its not hurtin me..'